I feel like he just manipulates and love bombing me, but he will say he is going to kill himself. He’s fake and I don’t believe him when he says he will change, so then he goes into wanting to hurt himself. He will lock himself into a room and let me bang for hours. I get so much anxiety and my body shivers. I feel like one day he might actually do it and I just apologize. Do they commit suicide or are they too into themselves and just try to hurt us?
Threatening suicide is definitely a manipulation tactic used by narcissists, however you want to take any suicide threat seriously and that doesn’t mean allowing them to control you.
Narcissists gain a lot of fuel when they can cause you to emotionally react to them, such as worrying, begging and pleading. They can even tell you that if they commit suicide it’s your fault and will have to live with that for the rest of your life. They might say if you come back to the relationship or help them, they will not hurt themselves.
Although it can be just a manipulation tactic, you don’t know. You don’t know if they are dealing with other mental health issues that would make them prone to suicide. You don’t know if this time it will be taken too far.
If you give them what they want, you are teaching them that threatening suicide works, and they will continue using it. Just like other forms of abuse, it will escalate, and they can start faking attempts of suicide. This can be taken too far and narcissists can accidentally hurt or kill themselves while trying to manipulate you.
It can feel cruel not coming to their rescue, but you are not helping them if you do and can actually make it worse.
If this is manipulation, you want to put a stop to it. You can give them the national suicide hotline information and call the police. Ask for a mental health trained police officer, some areas offer this. If they know they can not use this tactic to manipulate you to doing what they want and they will have to speak with police each time they threaten suicide, they won’t do it for long. Plus, as mentioned above, it will escalate over time so you want to stop the manipulation for your own good and theirs.
If they are truly suicidal, you want to do the same thing. Give them the national suicide number and call the police. You do not want to respond yourself because if they are truly suicidal they can also be homicidal and you will most likely be a target.