It’s common for people who have experienced an abusive relationship with a cluster b personality, like a narcissist, to describe them as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality.
They are comparing their partner’s behaviors and personality to a story about a scientist that does an experiment on himself that ends up creating two different personalities, one good, one evil. The evil side eventually takes over.
Although it may seem the narcissists behaviors are similar to the story, it’s important for people to understand they are not splitting and they do not have two separate personalities. Narcissists have one personality.
While the experience may seem they have two personalities, the reality is they are an actor and playing a part. The “bad or evil side” is their true personality, while the good side is a manipulation of their personality to get what they want in life.
This is called the narcissists mask and only a select few will see the mask fall. The mask hides their true personality, but underneath it, they are the same person.
This is called the narcissists mask. Narcissists have invested a great deal of time into the development of their mask. Other words, they’ve have learned what works in manipulating people to get what they want in life. They know the body language, what to say, and what to do to get others to believe in their mask.
I heard a man say, during an interview, that he smiles all of the time because people let down their guard when you seem happy. That they won’t think anything is wrong with you and it will be easier to manipulate them.
Just like an actor in a movie, sometimes people have a hard time separating the role the actor plays from the actual true person because they played the part so well. Narcissists are actors in real life, not movies.
Narcissists suppress their true feelings and personality so they can get what they desire in the real world. They are hardwired for manipulation and this developed skill is underestimated. Some are more skilled than others, it just depends on their goals in the world.
So, they have only one personality that wears a mask. Imagine someone actually wearing a mask, they are still the same person underneath the mask but their appearance has changed.
There are two faces of a narcissist, but not two personalities.
This is extremely hard for people to accept that love a narcissist, yet accepting this reality is needed.
Their true self will not hide forever, the mask will fall but only few will see behind it.
It’s really hard for people to wrap their mind around it though. They have a hard time accepting the reality that someone just thinks completely differently than they do. That someone they love will never change. So, many targets of the narcissist’s abuse believe with more love and support they will change.
No. No, they are looking through a different lens than you. It’s distorted and you would never want to think like they do, but you have to accept they also don’t’ think like you do. Honestly, if love or support were to change them, trust me, they have had many people provide that to them, including you.
I will tell you what they will change though. They will change their manipulation tactics and relationships. That you can bet on.
And they will exploit your beliefs that everyone is looking through the same lens. They will exploit your love for them, they will exploit your belief that they will change, they will exploit how you look at the world and people.