In the previous blog post I explained what a Disneyland parent was, and in this video we will go over how this can develop unintentionally or how toxic and narcissistic parents use this style with a motive.
This can develop unintentionally when a parent is limited in their time with the child. They want to create a positive experience with fun memories that both them and the child will remember. It may be hard or make them feel guilty to spend this limited time disciplining or enforcing rules, routines, schedules etc. Plus, if they have them only on the weekend, the routine or structures may be different since they are not in school. To the child, they can feel like a fun parent. So, in this case, the parent may not be intentionally trying to create this dynamic, or even realize they are doing it. They may think they have the best intentions of the child and their relationship with them and not mean to create problems in the relationship with the other parent.
And then some parents just don’t want to do the parenting or disciplining. They treat the child as a friend and abandon their parenting responsibilities.
But, when you are dealing with a parent that is toxic, controlling, abusive, manipulative, or narcissistic, they choose this parenting style with a secret motive.
Narcissistic parent’s secret motive is about them. It’s not what is best for the child, it’s not creating a healthy relationship, it’s not about co parenting. It’s all about what they desire.
One motive may be to have the child “choose” them. This makes them feel more superior and like they are a better parent. Narcissistic parents often live through their child or gain narcissistic supply, indirectly or directly, from their relationship. So, if their child is favoring them, this can give them a boost of supply. Parenting is a competition with the other parent to them. They want to win, they want to outshine. And this can be done when the parents are together or seperated.
Some narcissists hate the fact they have to pay the ex child support. It infuriates them and makes them feel like they are not in control. It doesn’t matter if the parent is properly taking care of the child with the money. This is not a narcissists concern, they most likely will enjoy the other parent struggling financially. Financial abuse is common in relationships with narcissists. They will fight for visitation rights or sole custody, not because they want the time with the child, but because they don’t want to pay the ex. In fact, many times the child is left with a grandparent, sibling or new partner most of the time.
They may know in their state, the child may have a choice at a certain age of which parent they want to live with, so they become the cool, fun, do whatever you want parent so they child will “choose” them.
They can also use their children because they want to get back at their ex. This could be undermining them, having the child “choose them”, limiting their time with the child, or even alienating the child from the other parent. This is so heartbreaking because the child’s best interest is never at heart, instead they are being exploited, and can do a lot of damage to the child, the other parent and other loved ones.